I saw a final cut of THE GATEWAY MEAT, filmed in Massachusetts. I appear in the film, I get brutally murdered and got to write my own death scene. Unfortunately my face is bound up with duct tape and we shot for 8 or 10 hours and I couldn't see and was covered in cold fake blood all day. The DVD will be out soon. The film is AMAZING- oh my god- so gory! I was only in a small part and did not see the script so knew nothing about the plot of the film or anything about it except my scenes.
Also out soon on DVD:
Countess Bathoria's Graveyard Picture Show, which debuted at the Fantasia Film Fest, and which I co-wrote.
I am writing for The Independent Magazine website and will be interviewing Jeremy Kasten, director of the upcoming remake of The Wizard of Gore.
I have an interview in the next Girls and Corpses magazine with Erik Ruhling, author of Infernal Device, an illustrated book of torture devices.
Although I put it aside months and months ago it looks like my script A Fistful of Anger may be optioned.
My very first SARCASTIC Blog posted here on Beanywood about... I wanna go back to Hollywood where people truly do care for one another..... Has been lost in Translation!
The whole basis of that particular blog was based on the fact that "I" (being one of the very few people here on Beanywood), to have actually Lived, worked, suffered & survived in Hollywood California for 12 years in the movie business could not even BEG, BORROW OR STEAL A CRAPPY FILM GIG OUT HERE IN BOSTON!
That for several years now I have done everything imaginable to attempt to hitch up with New England Professional film makers & I couldn't get anyone to even SPIT ON ME!
This Phenomenon has utterly BAFFLED me.... CONFUSED me.... HURT & SHATTERED (most of what was left of my confidence) & has thoroughly made me so distraught wondering: If a seasoned PRO from Hollywood couldn't wrangle up a 10 cent film job here in Boston.... THEN WHO THE HELL COULD????
All this failure in Hollywood (not knowing how to advance the ladder of success after 12 long, heart breaking years) to then coming back, to my home town turf & not being able to even get a friggin PA job WORKING FOR FREE!....
Can you imagine what that feels like? What it does to ones Soul? To the shattered remnants of ones dreams?
ITS MIND NUMBING!... HEARTBREAKING..... IT'S CATASTROPHIC TO EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING!
This has put me in a horrible tailspin in a deep black hole of depression, despair & utter shock.
Do you folks wanna know what its like to feel like a complete failure? An absolute Loser? A shell shocked Hollywood causality?
Do you know how it feels Living in a complete vacuum of confusion.... knowing that you have failed in Hollywood & then..... Come home... beaten... tail between your legs... kicked in the face & then spend years attempting to find ANY KIND OF LOW END FILM GIG OUT IN BOSTON..... & COMPLETELY BOMB?
It is times such as these that the truly inspired, the true masters of their own destiny.... come into their own.... Positive Creativity can be born from such negative circumstances. I shall make my mark on this world yet... I am not beaten.... I am just down for the count in a temporary set-back!
It has been brought to my attention that I come across as ARROGANT.... SELF ENTITLED... EXCLUSIONARY... RUDE...
I have been ACCUSED of bringing MY HOLLYWOOD ATTITUDE back with me to this fine town of Boston........ But I say: THIS IS ALL COMPLETELY BACKWARDS!
What has disillusioned me to the Boston film community is the poor attitudes of so many people (both young & old) attempting to MIMIC some false, misguided idea of 'WHAT THEY THINK" Hollywood is. Big words... Big tales... all attitude... A fast track to fame & fortune on hollow wings of gold... Rising to the pinnacle of Hollywood moviedom off the broken backs of Peons that go unnoticed & un appreciated & do ALL of the work.
THIS IS BAD THINKING.... THIS IS BACKWARDS... THIS IS WRONG... THIS NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED... THIS ACTUALLY GOES ON EVERYWHERE IN LIFE..... BUT JESUS PEOPLE....... ARE WE EVER GOING TO LEARN? CAN WE NOT LEARN TO BE DECENT & HUMANE TO ONE ANOTHER IN THE ARTS?
I say light & silly things (to hide my depth)... I attempt to be witty, funny & informative (and many times fall flat on my face)... But I have noticed that this town, born of PURITAN BELIEFS.... Still wreaks of small minded, BIG TALKING FOOLS.
I do not say this out of hatred & anger... But out of deep sadness & despair... As humans, we need to rise above the human condition & grow..... But we can never grow..... if people still have the same damn closed minded attitudes of the 16th century.
Elitism does not rule... At least, IT SHOULD NOT RULE....
Good, creative, film making people of Boston, show those simpleton fools that want to bully people, that will not be tolerated here. There still is a chance for there to be a fine film community here in Boston. But first, the good people... the kind people... the truly creative people, need to let it be known that PETTY, BULLSHIT, ARROGANT, USER FOOLS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED HERE!
That I have gone through all of this horrible behavior BEFORE.... IN HOLLYWOOD.... for so many years... only to turn around NOW... & find it here in Boston..... IS INTOLERABLE.
Let's work together & Create some Cool Stuff people...... Who's with me?
Just another note from the edge, from your twisted friend, & truly Demented Reporter of life, Craig Amabello The X-Hollywood Reject
It has been brought to my attention that I appear to be committing Creative & Professional suicide with my very Delicate & Fragile & never even having quite gotten off the ground Film Career.
Even though Death seems to have been hanging around me these last couple of years & people around me have been dropping faster than Elvis & James Dean on a Joy ride with John kennedy in Dallas.... I most certainly have no Intention of Committing Suicide of ANY KIND!....
SO for any of you Ghouls & Thrill seekers that think they smell death & the Putrid, Rotting Decay of a Mal Nourished & twisted mind on display for all to see.... You have most certainly, have come to the Wrong place!
For I am only affecting FREE SPEECH..... ARTISTIC CREATIVITY.... CALLING IT, THE WAY I SEE IT....
FOR I DO NOT CREATE THE WORLDS REALITY..... I JUST COMMENT ON IT!
I have found that most... If not all of the Boston Film people that I have come in contact with are:
FULL OF THEMSELVES.... BRAGGARTS.... & FOOLS...... DELUSIONAL PSYCHOPATHS THAT SEEK TO SUCK THE DREAMS FROM OTHER DEMENTED, LOWER TYPES... & IN THE PROCESS, BUILD THEMSELVES UP INTO SOMETHING THAT THEY ARE NOT.....TO TURN THEMSELVES INTO SOME MAD DEMENTED VISION THEY HAVE OF HOW "TRUE" HOLLYWOOD TYPES ACT & LIVE... BUT BOY, HAVE THEY GOT IT ALL WRONG!
I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING FED THIS DERANGED DELUSION OF HOW THEY THINK HOLLYWOOD REALLY IS... BUT THESE SIMPLETONS & FOOLS THAT MIMIC WHAT THEY BELIEVE TO BE THE "REAL" HOLLYWOOD ARE SO INSANELY WRONG THAT IT MAKES THOSE OF US IN THE KNOW.... WANT TO PUKE!
THERE ARE SOME CREATIVE BUSINESS TYPES OUT IN HOLLYWOOD THAT ARE KIND, DECENT HUMAN BEINGS THAT STILL MAKE A FANTASTIC LIVING!
Is it wrong to say what I believe???
What I know to be true???
Is this Suicide??... To speak ones mind??
To say what truly is... As opposed to playing a part of the status Quo that has it all ass backwards, wrong & upside down???
Could I be wrong?... Sure I could..... But I aint!
Am I to be Stoned because I dare to speak my mind?
This is not Professional Jealousy here folks... This is just one man's opinion... ( Mine), & you can take it, or leave it....
All I am speaking about comes from years of attempting to connect with Pro film people out here on the East coast with absolutely NO LUCK AT ALL!
I have tried everything.... Humor... Seriousness... Small talk... Business talk... Jokes... to simply passing out my resume ( a resume, I might ad, that isn't at all very spectacular, but by most standards out here in the Boston circuit... I'm freakin Spielberg! )
So I am left with the completely tormented knowledge that I am NOT QUALIFIED TO WORK FOR EVEN THE MOST LOWELY OF PROJECTS OUT HERE... FOR THE MOST BASIC OF COOKIE CUTTER PRODUCTION COMPANIES ON THE EAST COAST....
When a man comes from Hollywood California... Back to Boston.... & attempts to connect with almost anybody in the local film community... on any level & is practically begging for PA work & still cannot find it...... SOMETHING MUST BE DRASTICALLY WRONG!
I GET ABSOLUTELY LITTLE RESPONSE FROM THE PEOPLE ON THIS BEANYWOOD SITE... (Except a few cool people).
I AM ACTUALLY TRYING TO OPEN A HONEST & REAL DISCUSSION ON BUSINESS ETHICS OUT HERE.....
THE WAY HOLLYWOOD IS PERCEIVED BY NEW ENGLAND FILM WANNA-BE'S....
I LIVED TO SOME DEGREE "THE HOLLYWOOD DREAM"...
ALBIET.... "THE CLASSIC..... HOLLYWOOD DREAM GONE WRONG"... BUT NEVER THE LESS.... I LIVED THE REAL DEAL.... THE HOLLYWOOD LIFE... MAKING MY LIVING IN THE CITY OF LOST ANGELS WHILE THE DEVILS SURROUNDED US DAY & NIGHT.
THESE DEVILS WOULD GET OFF THE BUS EVERYDAY & POINT AT US AS WE MADE MOVIES IN FRONT OF GRAUMAN'S CHINESE THEATRE...
WHILE WE SLAVED AWAY EVERYDAY IN THE LOST CITY OF BRIGHT LIGHTS THAT SHINE DOWN FROM THE HILLS OF MADNESS & BROKEN DREAMS....
LOSING OUR FOOTING ALONG THE WAY... DAY AFTER DAY.... BUT NEVER QUITE FALLING.... & STILL CLIMBING THAT NEVER ENDING MOUNTAIN TO THE TOP OF THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS....
ONLY TO FIND THAT WE WERE STILL... TRULY IN THE GUTTER... & AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE BARREL... & HAD TO START OUR ASCENT ALL OVER AGAIN.... TO REALIZE YET AGAIN... ON ANOTHER DAY... THAT WE WERE STILL AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP WITH ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESS IN SITE....
TO JUST START EVERYDAY.... ALL OVER... TIME & TIME AGAIN... LIKE SOME BAD EPISODE FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE.... AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL!
THIS IS THE HOLLYWOOD THAT I CAME FROM... THE HOLLYWOOD THAT BEATS YOU DOWN DAY IN & DAY OUT WITH NO HOPE IN SITE......
THEN OUT OF NOWHERE...... BANG!....
A SMALL GLIMMERING HOPE OF ESCAPE COMES YOUR WAY & LIKE A PUFF OF SMOKE IN THE NIGHT....
POOF........ YOUR DREAMS DISSIPATE RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES & FADE BACK INTO THE SHADOWS... LIKE THE MIST IN THE NGHT..... FROM THE HOT SANTA ANA WINDS THAT ROLL THRU THE DESERT AT DAWN.
THESE ARE THE VERY THINGS THAT SHATTER YOUR SOUL...... BREAK YOUR MIND..... DESTROY YOUR CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF & YOUR FELLOW MAN.....
& THEN THE DAY COMES THAT YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH.... THAT YOU CAN TAKE NO MORE OF THIS TORMENTED DAMNATION...
THAT YOU CHOOSE TO COME HOME TO PEACE OF MIND & SANITY.... TO FIND SOLACE IN THE DECENCY OF GOOD OLE HOME TOWN AMERICA!
ONLY TO FIND A DENIZEN OF DEMENTED DREAMERS LOST IN THE WANNA-BE LAND OF THE FAST TRACK HOLLYWOOD SHUFFLE...
AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS....................."SCREAM!"
IS IT COOL TO BE FAKE?????
IS IT RIGHT TO ACT WRONG????
IS RUDENESS THE ONLY "SHOW BIZ" WAY???
WHEN YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A TENTH OF THIS HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT...
YOU WILL REALIZE THAT THIS FEMALE... THIS DREAM... THIS WOMAN KNOWN AS "HOLLYWOOD"... IS THE BITCH GODDESS FROM HELL...
& THAT SHE WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL ALIVE & SPIT YOU OUT THE BOTTOM...
A WASTED SHELL OF A HUMAN THAT YOU ONCE WERE...
THEN.... & ONLY THEN... MIGHT YOU HAVE A SMALL CLUE AS TO WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH & WHAT I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THROUGH OUT ALL OF MY BLOGS HERE ON BEANYWOOD.....
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO OVER LOOK & IGNORE PEOPLE'S ARROGANT, RUDE, TO COOL FOR SCHOOL BEHAVIOR ON WHAT THEY 'PERCEIVE" THE REAL HOLLYWOOD TO BE LIKE.....
BUT I AM TRULY FED UP WITH THESE CHILDISH & UTTERLY ABYSMAL HUMAN TYPES THAT FEEL THEY ARE "TRUELY" MEANT FOR HOLLYWOOD.... & WITH THAT......
THEY FEEL THE NEED TO LIVE OUT SOME FAIRY-TALE...GUM SHOE Z-MOVIE VERSION OF WHAT THEY THINK "REAL HOLLYWOOD" IS LIKE!
SO THEY SPEND ALL THERE TIME TRYIN TO MIMIC THE HOLLYWOOD BIG BOYS BY PISSING ON ALL THE SMALL DOGS THAT THEY CAN....
ALL THIS DOES IS BREED ILL WILL.... CONFUSION.... & ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING FOR ANYONE!
WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU UPPITY BOSTON FILM TYPES GOING TO GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR BUMS & OPEN YOUR EYES TO THE REAL WORLD???
A WORLD THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO CRUSH OTHER PEOPLES DREAMS TO GET AHEAD....
A WORLD WERE PEOPLE CAN STILL BE DECENT TO ONE ANOTHER & STILL CREATE SOMETHING GOOD & PROFITABLE...
THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I RAIL AGAINST....
THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT GAUL ME MOST...
UNMITIGATED UNNECESSARY HUMAN RUDENESS!
WAKE UP PEOPLE OF BOSTON......
DON'T LET THE POD PEOPLE TAKE OVER COMPLETELY......
HILLARY CLINTON IS NOT YOUR FRIEND......
DO NOT BE FOOLED BY DEVILS IN MAKE-UP.....
FOR I AM ONE TO KNOW..... FOR I HAVE SEEN THE DARK-SIDE OF THE LONG NIGHT IN THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS...
WHERE VERY FEW....... EVER MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!
All I have been doing these last few years is to attempt to find a way to make a God damn Honest & legal living out here on the East coast in the film community....
& I HAVE FAILED MISERABLY!.....
If you wonder why I appear to have an ATTITUDE.....
I don't know what it takes to get recognized, respected & noticed on this website by the people in charge?
I can't get an email back from them about how to become a "Selected blog".
Or, How to become Acknowledged as a legitimate blogger on this site?
I am like a Ghost in the Machine... A phantom dream... I can't get no damn RESPECT!
They won't put me as a Selected blog.... Or put me on the front page of Past blogs... Or even acknowledge my existence by returning my emails... But they do it for so many others....
But........... NOT FOR ME!.... WHY?
Did I do something wrong???
Did I kick their little doggy??
Did I strangle their Pet Kitty??
This is starting to remind me of my Good ole days in Hollywood when nice Show Biz Celebrities like: Gene Simmons, Lemmy Kilmeister, Jane Seymour, Kirstey Alley, all Hated me & yet I don't recall ever doing anything to them to get such a Violent reaction.
But yet, Sean Lennon enjoyed my company... Angela Bowie thought I was a darling... Ronnie James Dio Protected me... Burt Reynolds told me I did a really great job & my Only True Hollywood Friend "Bruce Campbell" Loved me!... What did these people see in me that so many others couldn't???
Am I to be forever Misunderstood & maligned?
From Coast to coast to Sea to Shining sea...
From Hollywood to Beanywood...
Peons to Stars vacillate between their love & hatred of my personality...
CAN I EVER GET A DAMN BREAK?
I have gotten off the track again...... Back to my point:
I have written 20 blogs here which have included various info on:
Productions in the New England area... With such varied content as: Real Television commercials... Presidential candidate web promos... Motor-cross X game stunt show coverage... Documentary shooting for ER Doctors... Rock & Roll live concert events... Quasi-Religious Short films... I've spoken on such Hot topics as: Show Biz deals, heartbreaks & Busted dreams from the very Beast Herself... "Hollywood".....
But still it seems I do not seem to RATE HERE... Why?
If a guy that spent 12 long years slugging it out in the trenches of Hollywood California...The very CessPit that is Show biz Hell itself... can't get acknowledgment here.... Then what does it take?
I have attempted to broach such topics as Human kindness... Hard work... Creativity... Dedication... Respect for others... Being a Team player... The ethics of doing REAL PAYING gigs....
BUT STILL..... NOTHING... NADA-- ZIP.......
What does a guy gotta do to get recognition here by the POWERS THAT BE?
Am I like some Bastard Step child?... The Black sheep of the family?... The drunken Uncle that says dirty, awkward & embarrassing things at the dinner table in front of mixed company?
